But screw the surface stuff...

But screw the surface stuff... my main concerns are not tattoos, bands, office politics, or gadgetry. 

I am trying to solve a few mysteries, or one big one: my family. Almost one-third of my family has committed suicide. Why? And explain to me why mother, my father, my half-brother and I talk, but not a single one of us talks to all of the rest. I share no closeness with my family and vice-versa. For example, my mom and I recite the week's events to each other over the phone once a week, my dad and I discuss car maintenance on the phone once every two months, and my half-brother and I don't speak. Last I heard from my mom, my half-brother, who is 11 years older than me, appears to be in his sixties despite being only in his mid-forties. He smokes four packs of cigarettes a day and is homeless. Of course, if he stopped smoking he would be able to afford to rent a room, but instead he sleeps in the corner of a warehouse of Manassas, Virginia. 

I grew up in a big house with a father and mother who were married. We had a big yard, at least two cars, and all the toys and opportunities I could ask for. Private school was a threat to me, not a privilege. (I "chose" public because I hated plaid skirts.) And now... now I'm getting onto ancestry search sites to figure out where the hell things went wrong.

My granddad was a lithographer for the Army in WWII and then worked for the federal government. I found his former home... the one my father was raised in. In a neighborhood that was alive if not thriving... his was the one house un-rented, unoccupied, unloved... in fact, abandoned. Weird. Something happened in that house... I don't know what, but it might explain all the tragedies that followed.

I've always been drawn to mysteries. However, this is one I'm not sure I want to solve. Sometimes it's best not to find all the reasons you have to be sorry for yourself. It's best to create yourself in the image you desire. And when your family is all screwed up and it looks like you were spawned from a marble angel compared to some of them... thank your friends and your significant other's family. 'Cause that's what it comes down to. Family. Family is not who you were born into, but who accepted you and loved you for who you are, and challenged you to become your best, to overcome, and to be hopeful.

P.S. No Dogfish Head Ales were harmed in the making of this blog. Certainly not. 

P.P.S. I want to go to the beach.